I've been losing friends and finding peace
Top 10 Phoenix Resource List š¦āš„
Welcome to Afternoon Coffee with Jacques, a cozy corner of the internet where Human Design meets modern leadership. Grab your mugs and let's jump in!
My last newsletter about the collective experiencing a sort of āliminal spaceā hit a nerve. Email replies, friends and clients bringing it up in conversation, the topic organically coming up with complete strangers.
The idea of existing in between worlds, identities, and paradigms deeply resonated with many in this community. The felt sense of one chapter ending and another chapter only just beginning.
The fear and uncertainty associated with the unknown, the excitement of what is yet to come.
What Iāve observed: if youāre someone who is highly favored, itās likely youāre being tested right now. Marriages falling apart, health scares, layoffs, miscarriages, stalled businesses, etc etc - itās all happening NOW.
97% of Godās strongest warriors are being actively expanded. Our capacities for love, forgiveness, faith, surrender, trust - all stretched.
š My own reflection: if I know my community (and TBH myself because hi, itās me, Iām people) are grappling with Starbucks-Venti size doses of metamorphosis, how can I be of service?
Because the liminal space can be scary af and from my perspective, the most important element during this time is your mindset.
Solution: Iāve compiled a top 10 hit list of recs for navigating the liminal space or any big change - see below. The list is not exhaustive, but feels comprehensive. Holistic even.
These recs are not sponsored and are based on my lived experiences.
That said, if you have anything to add please hit reply and let me know. Iād love for this list to be a living artifact that gets refined over time.
The Phoenix Resource List š¦āš„
1. Inner Child or Shadow Work
Often, our biggest hardships can be traced back to two things: inner child wounds and the shadow.
The shadow, a concept from Carl Jung, refers to the unconscious, hidden parts of our personality that the ego rejects or represses. This includes the traits weāre ashamed of (think: the selfishness, the rage, the fear) but also the ones weāve buried because they felt unsafe to express (unlived potential, suppressed gifts, the dreams we quietly abandoned).
Many of the dynamics we keep experiencing: in relationships, at work, in how we treat ourselves - are directly connected to what we did or did not experience in our earliest years, particularly between ages 0-7. The beliefs we formed about safety, love, worthiness, and belonging were largely set before we even had the language to question them.
When was the last time you sat with that version of self? Your inner child aged 0-7?
In my own life, starting inner child work ignited a spiritual journey that ultimately led me to Human Design and a BRAND NEW LIFE!
How to begin: If possible, do this work in partnership with a therapist or specialist who can hold space safely. If you feel resourced enough to begin independently, there are incredible books, courses, and workshops available.
My personal favorite is To Be Magnetic: they offer on-demand workshops that combine deep journaling with EMDR-style meditations designed to help you access your subconscious, understand your limiting beliefs, and begin to heal old patterns. Itās behind a paywall but an absolute 10/10. I have a discount code - just hit reply and Iāll share it.
2. Purpose & Values Clarification
If youāre in the in-between, one of the most grounding things you can do is get clear on your personal mission statement and your values. Perhaps not perfectly or completely, but as best you can right now.
Hereās why this matters:
Your mission statement is your north star. When everything else feels unclear: the next job, the next chapter, what youāre even supposed to be doing - your mission keeps you anchored. The details of how you live it will shift and evolve. But if your purpose is to ātell stories that change livesā or ābuild businesses that create accessā or āhelp people feel less aloneā (all mission statements from clients) that remains true regardless of your circumstances.
Your values are the pillars of what you need to feel whole. One of my personal values is Expansion, which shows up as learning, traveling, exploring, and broadening my perspective. So while Iām in my own liminal space, Iām intentionally giving myself room to explore, question, and stay curious. Thatās what I need to feel resourced. But what do you need? What makes you feel like yourself?
A 2025 Gallup study found that people who spend their time in alignment with their personal values report substantially higher levels of thriving, and according to McKinsey, while 70% of employees define their sense of purpose through work, only 15% feel theyāre actually living that purpose day to day. Values clarification work closes that gap.
How to begin: Several tools online can help you identify your mission statement and core values and this is also work I do directly with clients.
If youāre looking for a deeper inner journey to understand how the universe would like to be lived through you, I cannot recommend Dr. Michael Beckwith's Life Visioning enough. Hard recommend the audiobook because itās in the authorās voice and he recites these wonderful meditations throughout (IMO you need the audio because otherwise you miss the energy and magic of his voice).
3. Get your house in order, literally and figuratively
Letās talk about your physical environment for a second, because this one is underrated. Several research studies have shown that our physical environment (neighborhood, home, living and work space) can greatly impact our mental and physical health.
When everything feels uncertain internally, your environment either adds to that chaos or counteracts it.
So ask yourself honestly: does my physical space add to my peace or subtract from it?
If the answer is subtract: make changes. Declutter the space that's been bothering you for months. Redecorate. Rearrange. Paint the walls. Move if you need to and have the means to. Do whatever makes your space feel like a retreat rather than another source of stress.
When the world feels upside down, your home should be the one place that feels like itās on your side.
And while youāre at it, use this season to get your affairs in order:
Schedule the health appointments youāve been putting off
Get a clear picture of your finances
Eat foods that feel nourishing, not inflaming
Drink water
Move your body in ways that feel good
Complete life admin items like executing that will or trust
Build the foundation that the next chapter of your life will stand on.
How to begin: Some of this works well solo or with loved ones - for ex: decluttering with a friend, budgeting with a partner.
But donāt be afraid to staff up! Hire a real estate broker or home organizer, engage a nutritionist or trainer, get a financial planner, etc. Build your support infrastructure now, before the next chapter arrives.
4. Stay Ready
While youāre in a holding pattern, get šš¾ in šš¾ formation šš¾
Youāre simply waiting for your appointment to catch up with your anointment. So in the meantime and between time, get ready.
How to begin: Looking for a job? Get your resume and LinkedIn ready now. One of my clients was recently laid off but was able to sit in trust because we were ready: her resume, LinkedIn, job plan, all that was already done!
Own your business? Do the work today that lays the foundation for something BIG in the future like finally starting that podcast. Future you will thank you.
5. Plan a Hard Reset
Especially if youāre working full-time while navigating big changes and heavy emotions, youāre probably long overdue for a break.
And Iām not talking about a āletās take the kids to Disneyā type of vacation - I mean a hard reset. Alone or with limited others. Where you can simply exist. I know I need one and I plan to abscond to Peru and/or Bali as early as practicable.
How to begin: Calculate the max amount of time you can get away from work and home. And not like the āsafeā number either.
Iām talking the āI could or could not have relatives in a far flung country so I will be OOO for two weeksā type of energy. Youāre kinda uncomfortable even saying youāre taking that much time but YOLO.
Think about it this way: professional athletes donāt play 365 days a year. They have an offseason - intentional, protected, non-negotiable time to rest, recover, and come back stronger. If you are carrying the weight youāre carrying right now, you deserve and need the same.
So take the time because no one is going to give it to you. Your manager wonāt. Your company wonāt. Your family wonāt. You have to decide that your recovery matters enough to protect, and then actually protect it.
6. Monitor your content diet
You should think of the content you consume: whether itās news, TV, music, podcasts, books, social media, the people around you, etc. as the diet you are feeding your conscious and subconscious mind. Period.
Which means if youāre constantly ingesting fear-based content, media that makes you feel behind or less than, or news that leaves you feeling powerless - that is your mental diet. And like a physical diet of processed food and no water, it will eventually show up in how you feel, even if you canāt always trace it back to the source.
This is especially true when you're already in a season of transition and your nervous system is probably less regulated than usual.
How to begin: first, simply observe how certain types of media make you feel.
For ex, when Iām in deep survival mode, I have to ease up on certain types of content that feel depressing or sad because it further dampens my mood. Instead, I opt for books, articles, and light-hearted shows like Bridgerton for a mental break. My TikTok algo is dialed in with interesting videos about spirituality topics and advancements in AI.
Reflection: Whatās the best diet for your mind right now? What kind of content waters your dreams, lifts your mood, and expands your thinking?
7. Find teachers & resources that speak to this season
In times of uncertainty, sometimes itās helpful to find people and resources that help you make sense of what youāre experiencing.
This could look like astrology, history, psychology, Human Design, philosophy, theology - the modality matters less than the impact. The goal is to find teachers, writers, and frameworks that give more color to your lived experience, offer a different perspective, or simply make you feel less alone in what youāre going through.
In this season, two Substack writers are speaking directly to my soul: FarStellar and Hello Bryah. Both are doing the kind of writing that stops you, makes you think, and leaves you feeling both seen and challenged.
Sneak Peek: in this post FarStellar lovingly and eloquently DRAGGGGGS each sun sign by their edges:
The far more common Leo Sun is one whose fire has been quietly put out, often so slowly they do not remember a time when it was burning openly. The warmth is still being performed because performance has become the substitute for the real thing, but the performance is happening from a place where nothing is actually lit anymore. You can tell, if you know what to look for. The charm is there but the chest is cold. The light that is supposed to be spilling out is being carefully measured, doled out in amounts the Leo Sun thinks the room can handle.
And the thing that does this, the mechanism, is pride, not the obvious kind astrology books describe but the hidden kind, the one that dresses itself up as self-respect. The Leo Sun who turns down the opportunity because it was not big enough, who ends the relationship because the person did not appreciate them, and who tells themselves in both cases that they deserve more. Sometimes this is actually true. More often it is fear, and pride is the costume fear puts on so the Leo Sun does not have to face how afraid they are. Because admitting the fear would require admitting that the lion has been dimming itself for a very long time, and that admission is more than the pride can carry. So the pride does the protecting instead, and what it protects you from is your own life.
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How to begin: Start with what you're naturally curious about. If astrology speaks to you, find a trusted astrologer or writer. Follow the thread of what resonates and let it lead you somewhere new. Practical suggestions:
Substack is an incredible resource for finding independent writers doing deep, thoughtful work across every niche imaginable
YouTube where some of the best teachers are giving away incredible content for free
Ask people you respect what theyāre reading, watching, or listening to
8. Rage Rituals
Letās talk about something that doesnāt get nearly enough airtime: what do you do with the anger?
Because trapped emotions donāt just disappear. They live in the body.
Autoimmune diseases disproportionately affect women, with nearly 80% of diagnosed cases occurring in females. Research from the National Institutes of Health found that individuals with a trauma history had a 70% higher likelihood of developing autoimmune disease.
The body keeps the score and unprocessed emotion has a physical addressā¦our body š« š«
But for many of us (especially women) we were never taught to safely express anger or rage. We were taught to manage it, minimize it, or make it more palatable for the people around us. This is exactly where rage rituals come in.
Whatās a rage ritual? It's an intentional, embodied practice for releasing pent-up anger, grief, or emotional tension in a safe and conscious way. Think of it as giving your nervous system permission to discharge what it's been holding. Itās a chance to listen to your anger, feel it, and let it move through you.
How to begin: I do mine with over-ear headphones on, playing whatever song reflects my current mental state - this can be anything from classical music to Crash Out by Lizzo depending on the vibe. Then I'll either hit a pillow and scream into it, or I'll enter full rave mode and dance it out. Chaotically. Unapologetically. Works like a fucking charm.
FYI dancing is wonderful because it releases oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins - natural stress relievers that promote relaxation and reduce anxiety.
Other options: shaking your body, a brisk walk where you stomp with intention, tearing up paper, boxing, cold water exposure. The method matters less than the release. Find what works for your body and make it a practice.
9. Journaling
This might seem basic but Iād be remiss if I didnāt mention writing.
In my own journey itās been amazingly beneficial. I have the tendency to intellectualize my emotions but journaling allows me to connect deeper with whatās going on emotionally and spiritually.
When big emotions stay trapped in my head, I can spiral: anxiety, worry, doggy paddle energy. However, if I have to get them out onto the page, I can see them clearly. I can cry, scream, rant. Decide whether or not to care.
Research shows that journaling can significantly reduce stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms while improving emotional regulation and overall well-being, and may even strengthen immune function and reduce stress-related doctor visits (Baikie & Wilhelm, Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 2005; Pennebaker et al.; American Psychological Association).
How to begin: find the journaling practice you can do consistently. For some, thatās old school pen and paper. For others, itās typed notes on their phone or computer. I personally love DayOne as a digital journal; itās so good!
If writing feels challenging, or your thoughts are coming faster than your hand can keep up, try voice journaling instead. This could look like voice memos on your phone, voice-to-text via your keyboard, or talking directly into an AI tool like Claude, ChatGPT or WhisprFlow.
My personal workflow: I word vomit everything into Claude - stream of consciousness, no filter, completely unhinged - and then ask it to restructure my thoughts into a journal entry making as few changes as possible. The sentiment stays raw and intact. The chaos gets organized. And now I have a journal entry I can actually return to.
10. Lean Into Tribe & Team
Often in the liminal space, itās easier, safer even, to be alone.
To lean into your own pain and ignore the outside world. Itās hide vs having to explain, field questions, intercept otherās emotions.
But as another healer told me last year while I was in peak hermit, ānow is the time to open up to community and allow them to support youā. Take your solitude but allow your loved ones to support you. To love you.
Especially if traditionally you are the strong one.
And audit your support team. Not just loved ones, but the professionals and helpers who keep you functioning.
My current setup: a housekeeper who cleans and meal preps once a week, a personal trainer through FutureFit, two therapists with different styles (yes, two because I like both), an astrologer, an intuitive healer, and the occasional psychic or Reiki session. Iām actively looking for a new financial planner (send recs!) and later this year I want to restart 1:1 Spanish tutoring.
Your team doesnāt have to look like mine. But the question is worth asking: whoās on yours?
How to begin: Get honest about your needs. Where are you depleted? Where could you delegate, ask for help, or bring in a professional? Make the list. Start there.
Optional: Experiencing Heartbreak? š¦āš„
I recommend this Heartbreak Healing Course by Sahara Rose.
I know, I know. A course for heartbreak sounds cringe. I thought so too when she first launched it. But then my heart was broken so I bought it, and honestly it was really good. Itās a mix of short 10-15 minute videos with small exercises designed to be completed in 30 days. It was very helpful in helping me sort through my emotions and make sense of the crazy. Definitely recommend.
You are on a precipice
If you read the list above and thought: OMG so many things! Iām sorry but yes - healing is often a FT job despite already having an already full plate of professional and personal responsibilities.
But this type of season, existing in the liminal space, is an invitation. An invitation to investigate, decide, and refine. You can decide to move, to change jobs, to actively move toward your highest timeline.
When I started writing this post, I felt called to pull an oracle card from Alana Fairchild (who IMO is the oracle card GOAT) Earth Warriors Oracle and what I received felt like a message for all of us:
The Message: A threshold appears, bringing an ending so complete that it is no longer possible to return to what has been. The light of the stars is your faithful guide to this new world. As you trust in your divine connection, deconstructed forms shall reshape themselves into relevant, helpful and beautiful new ways of living, thriving and expressing your true self. Trust in your strangest ideasā¦This crossing is healing and furthers the activation of your divine potential. Change is afoot. You wonāt feel in control of the process. You are on the correct path, even if the birthing pains to fulfill it are challenging. You are guided to reject societal norms about how you are supposed to live or what sorts of things you are supposed to value. At the right moment, you will leave the past behind, enter the fullness of the present, and open to the brightness of your future.
Godspeed to all my Phoenixes out there. Hereās to our rising š¦āš„
Thank you for reading and contributing to this community. If you found this post insightful, I invite you to like this post or forward it to a friend.
New posts arrive every other Saturday. You can browse the complete archive here, and I invite you to connect with me on Instagram or LinkedIn.
With love until next time,
Jacques
